February 2nd was the end of my academic vacations which means restart of my BA studies. Those who know me will smile about it, cause this has been a life time journey for me and I guess there are too many people who think I will never succeed…
Well, I guess such an attitude has been in some way a reason for me not studying hard enough and as much as people press me, as less I want to move forward.
But somehow I think something has changed lately. I’ve been thinking – why is it so, that I’m still trying to study already for damn 12 or almost 13 years…? And Why do I need it at all? Do I really like what I’m studying? And what will it give to me?
Why am I trying? I guess because I enjoy it.. But I don’t care much about the good or excellent marks. I’ve been attending few courses for 3 times already just to get something new from year to year
Why do I need it? Sometimes I have a feeling that I don’t know at all. There are at least few groups of people – one, who study just for the paper (diploma), others, who study for marks, third is studying just because of studying, the others think about the possible career in the future, someone else just needs to prove something to someone. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone, however I also need a paper and would dream about a better career (even if I like my job now)… Anyway, I think that having or not having a diploma doesn’t determine the value of a person! Or does it?
Do I like what I study? Well, I must say that I’ve experienced few things that I thought I liked, but it all went wrong. Now – I do like what I study and I guess I also realize that this is the thing I could do and I could do well… Would I like to be a politician? NO! A diplomat? Pretty much YES! Brussels clerk – 50/50…
Anyway – all this doesn’t mean a thing. The only think that matters right now for me is to FINISH this thing just FOR MYSELF! To make sure that I CAN do it! And I think I CAN! No, I'm SURE I can!
So the long way towards BA restarts again… This time for sure!